Let’s Get Sexy - With a Little Kink


By Walker Thornton, Sex Expert & regular contributor to Bloom

 If you read our first article on BDSM, Ten Tips for Bringing BDSM Into your Bedroom, you got a peek at the forbidden delights that many people are talking about today and secretly craving in their sexual relationships. And, maybe you’re curious and want to experiment. You may have an interest in seeing what it feels like to take on a submissive or dominant role but want to ease into it gradually.

What does we mean when we talk about submission? To submit is to give in to another’s wishes, to capitulate, to surrender, to give up our power. Some women balk at the idea of submitting to another, but the essence of submission, or surrender, is letting go in order to feel more. In that moment of surrender we let go of the things that hold us back, of being “proper”, and we give in to our desires. The act of submission increases arousal.

All of us indulge in those moments of fantasy where we want life to be simpler, with fewer decisions to make, fewer responsibilities, and the ability to let down our guard and allow someone else to take over. Playing a submissive role with a lover can satisfy that fantasy. And, the same goes for the flip side—being the one in charge. It may be that you want to try out both of those roles. It’s possible to be equally excited playing the Dominatrix, as it is to be in the submissive role.

In good sex it is possible to have it all!

The first step is to communicate your interest to your partner, as he or she needs to be a willing participant for this to work. Sex play requires a certain level of trust as well as a mutual desire to experiment in new ways of pleasuring each other. You both have to feel comfortable with this type of sex play as we’re talking about a shifting in power, however temporary.

Letting go and surrendering to the moment can be a delicious addition to sexual play. Choose a safe word to use when you want to stop. Pick a word that is unlikely to pop up in your normal sex talk, like red light, pickle or vodka. Setting ground rules creates an atmosphere of safety, even if you’re just indulging in some light play.

Next, think about toys or accessories to enhance the experience. Here at Bloom Enjoy Yourself, we’re all about sex play—for fun and serious passion. So, we’ve gathered a few accessories for your exploration of submission/domination or even a little bondage.

Dress up in your sexiest outfit and bring out the Lelo Sutra Chainlink Cuffs. Handcuffs help to get you or your partner in a submissive role. Unable to use your hands, you have to let your partner do the work. Or reverse roles and you can be in charge.

Cuffs are fun and so are blindfolds—when our eyes are covered we have an enhanced sense of touch and smell. Being blindfolded makes it all a little more daring and entices you to slow down the pace and focus on sensuous exploration.

Want to explore the idea of a gentle, or not so gentle, spanking? The Good Girl Bad Girl Feather Spanker is just the thing you’ve been looking for. On the ‘nice’ end there are soft feathers for tickling and caressing; the ‘naughty’ end features a black leather spanker.

This kind of sex play isn’t for everyone. But, those who intentionally bring an extra bit of naughtiness into the bedroom will find themselves looking forward to sex with much more interest. Come check out our 50 Shades of Bloom for more seductive toys.

Have you ever allowed yourself to be handcuffed or blindfolded? How was it? Feel free to create an anonymous name for commenting, no one will see your email address.


Walker Thornton is a freelance writer and blogger writing about sexuality, women’s sexual health and other topics related to the midlife woman. As a 59-year-old divorcee, she knows the dating game! Walker is the Sex Expert columnist at Better After 50 and a Huffington Post blogger. You can find her at Walker J Thornton and at her over 50 dating blog, The Diva of Dating.


Julie Phelps Sep 28, 2013
Yep, I've explored some of those play actions. Without going into details here, I enjoyed it all. I realize such play is not for everyone, but if you have a partner you trust and want to explore ways to enhance the fun, go for it!
Bloom Oct 3, 2013
Hi Julie,
Trying something the new can be very exciting and a great adventure for two (or...?). So great to hear you enjoyed yourself with some of this play. Thanks for sharing!
Walker Thornton Oct 13, 2013
I think it's fun to play with different avenues of sexual pleasure. And, like you've noted, trust is vital. I find that letting go of my need to be in control can be lots of fun!

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